Saturday Special 6 28

Hey it's Chris

“What if we’re invaded,” she gasped.

I have written gasped a couple hundred times in fiction

but when I hear it in real life, I almost laugh

It sounds so…

put on

like someone should be clutching at pearls around their throat

while waving off the vapors

though, to be fair

I have been known to cause some vapors every so often

I was once very good at the dating life

and before I did all that dating, I was pretty good at the one woman kind o’ man life

and before that, I did a lot of things that made me appreciate one woman

and then dating

and then not worrying so much about the good old USA ever being invaded

Despite what I call Red Dawn dreams

Which is what almost every Gen X boy grew up getting ready for

If another country decided to invade America, we’d lose the west coast

For sure.

No question about it.

And probably the east coast from DC north, almost to Maine

But west of the Appalachians and east of the Rockies

It would pretty much be biz as usual

Because of one uniquely American creation

The Good Old Boy

Otherwise known as a Redneck

Do not think for one moment that every CCP war council or Russian cabinet meeting where they may consider these things

Do not consider that factor

Because any invading Army would first have to contend with the Cajun Navy

You know, those dudes that hop into action at a seconds notice after every natural disaster you can conceive up

They show up before the storm clouds clear out, packed with water, and chainsaws and shotguns and med kits

I’ve seen numbers of the enemy navy vessels compared to the US’s

AND

The Cajun Navy swamps ‘em

Yes, 22 inch guns are gonna do some damage to the wetlands

But you think CCP is gonna pick up a bass boat with a two foot profile sliding up next to the hull like a gator in the murky water and using Hubba Bubba to sticky tack the blammy goo on the side

So those war councils are probably gonna rely on their air troops to parachute in…

Except…

They’ll have to come in the Flyway

You know that stretch of funnel that starts wide at Canada and narrows as it follows the Mississippi River

Where those airborne troops will encounter…

Duck Hunters.

Ever seen a duck blind?

No, you haven’t, cause they’re covered in cane and reed and bush and packed shoulder to shoulder with good old boys hopped up on Marlboro Red’s and Miller Lites

No government imposed limits or tags on how many floating paratroopers you can bag

Duck numbers are down over the past few years because of dry years and these boys are hungry for firing at anything flying

I’d call it a turkey shoot, but that would be doing the flightless birds a disservice

Any invading army’s got to get past 1.3 registered guns per citizen of the US.

Those are just the registered guns, not the millions more unregistered guns, plus all the peace niks who don’t own ‘em

And those war councils’ do consider that in their reckoning

I’m not saying there wouldn’t be casualties

Every year during hunting season, mistakes are made, or accidents happen

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if even revenges were carried out under a guise of hunting mishap

So no matter who decided to come in from the Gulf or Canada, we’d lose a few rednecks

Probably preceded by heroic phrases that would go down in the ages, like “I regret I have but one life to give” or “Give me liberty or give me death”

Except it would be more like, “Here, hold my beer” or my own hero catchphrase, “Hey, watch this.”

Men and women in the middle of the mountain ranges eat possom and coon, and gator and just about any kind of game meat you can dress.

They might miss all the fancy fixins that folks have grown accustomed too, but the best snake eaters the military’s ever seen come from the hills of Tennessee and the foothills of the Ozark mountains

So I’m not worried about anybody invading the middle

Even when I read stuff like North Korea has a couple hundred thousand Special Forces soldiers

And I know they train them tough there

They get a rough start at life,

and then a meglomaniac leader who claims to have invented the hamburger, and the internet and just about everything else on a divine mandate from the god of the mountain

trains them to be even tougher

But those SF guys aren’t sneaking around in the woods of Mississippi or Arkansas or Missouri

Do you know how many trail cam’s there are?

You can’t roam a hundred yards by a trail and not see one black strapped to an oak because the guy who has the hunting lease has been salting and feeding a big buck for years

Nobody is getting very far

They’ve got ginnies for electricity, and honey holes for good fish and too many ways to fight back for it to be worth it

So what if we’re invaded?

There’ll be a bunch of campfire stories that start with-

“Hey, remember that time Earl…”

Should this be an action adventure military novel?

Speaking of time, it’s that time of year where Amazon hosts PRIME DAYS and they drop the price on almost everything:

Do like me, go pick out a wishlist and add it to your cart BUT don’t buy yet-

Then, on July 8, check the price in your cart and if it’s what you like, buy it.

40% off on a lot of stuff.

PRIME DAYS start July 8. I think my paperbacks are clicked to be in on the deals so add all of those to your cart too. They might even give you a free or discount PRIME trial, so go click to see.

Or get the ebook boxset bundles by June 30 for a price so low, you’d slap somebody.

You Need This in Your Collection:

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Things I’m trying:

You know I’ve been doing ten drops of Meth Blue daily mixed in lemon water (8 oz) and it works like gang busters. I am a big fan of the brain fog clearing mixture and feel like it works 100%.

I have also entered the 55+ club, and you know I’m still very active, and I’ve read studies about adding 5mg of Creatine to my first cup of coffee in the morning. Gary Brekka said every man should be adding creatine to his diet in this daily micro dose because of the benefits:

fighting muscle mass loss

cellular repair for your slowly degrading body

and more

So I’m trying it with powder, and switching to gummies in July so I feel like I’m eating candy.

I know, it’s one more thing on my list of trying to feel younger but the goal is to feel BETTER.

Walk one hour every day.

Drink at least one gallon of water. (pinch of salt or lemon slice)

Eat more protein.

Eat less processed food.

Bonus points for growing veggies and eating them in the mix.

I run, things hurt.

I lift weights, things hurt. I

think about making sweet sweet love to a willing woman and things hurt. Mostly my heart because of the absence of a willing woman, but until that time, I’ll keep working to be THAT guy.

But Women should take creatine too. Bone density, muscle mass, and feeling better.

All the “things” a woman wants.

Except for a really fit guy humming songs from 70’s movies in double entendre and innuendos.

In whose end though?

Go get CREATINE and try METH BLUE and put PEPTIDES on your radar.

Email me and tell me how it’s working.

I want to hear your journey.